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Nets result

He had his heart set on it. Come on, think about it. One moment, you're nowhere in the picture, and the other, you're catapulted into the limelight. In the squad for the Australia tour. A pretty big deal, wouldn't you say, for a simple hardworking lad, who just wants to bowl?

And that's what he came to Australia for, did Kumaran. Enthusiastic (just like me!) and earnest (well, not quite like me!) and talented. They were touting him as the new bowling talent, and praising his performances in every irrelevant build-up match he played. Trouble with praise is, you start believing you have a chance. And then when it comes to the crunch, and the teams are announced, you feel your heart sinking even before its been allowed to soar.

That's not fair, is it? It's no one's fault. But, neither is it his fault, right? So, the boy goes home. As does Harbhajan. And the rest of them.

I know where they're coming from. I've been there, in fact I am there. Just that I get to stay on and watch those matches from the dressing room, and these would watch them (if at all they do) from their drawing rooms. Doesn't make it easier for me, but it makes it more difficult for them who know that they could have been where the action is.

Oh, it's true that we all want to play, and the exclusion of one invariably means the inclusion of another, but it is possible to empathise. Because everybody, but everybody, has gone through or is going through the uncertainty of not knowing when the axe would fall on them. Rivalry and competition, part and parcel of our lives. But, those who stand uncertain, waiting for a call, are bound together by the same feeling. Heard of 'there is comfort in togetherness, especially when life's tough'?

We do the nets routine, exercise the same as the others. But it's not the same yet, because you know that your turn will take time in coming, assuming that is that it ever comes. Which, in my case, is a pretty big assumption to make.

I bet the whole spiel sounds ungrateful. Probably is, if viewed in the context of those who never get called to be a part of the national squad, and get to rub shoulders with the heroes and hey, see the world.

So, we did the Sydney harbour bit, and checked the opera house and sat at the Bondi beach till our eyes popped out! That was fun, admittedly. But, at the back of our minds, the knowledge that we're here to play the damn game, and not sight see, kind of mellowed our excitement of seeing a whole new world.

This whole outburst is a result of seeing my partners in arms leave. The whole lot with whom I've spent hours talking and thinking up new things to do, while the others concentrated on the more serious business of playing cricket. And not just leave. Leave disappointed and hurt. Wondering what you'd done right to get here, and what you'd done wrong to not play and have to leave.

However, that's the way things stand. Bajju and Kumaran and company are off home... and me, the permanent supernumerary, waiting for the new lot of hopefuls to spell me on the back benches. Not complaining, or cribbing, is as is my wont. At the end of the day, its a great feeling to be with the team, and represent your country. Hey, so we've not been winning every match we've played, but as they say, tomorrow is another day.

The Spare Crib/Abhilasha Khaitan