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The Spare (C)rib

Editor's Note: So you thought this squad had only 17 members in it? Hah - fooled you didn't they? There's actually 18 members in the team. We never would have known, though - only, we chanced on this diary member number 18's been keeping. Skimmed through it -- and found it a nice slice of life-on-tour kind of thing. We figured on sharing it with you -- so here goes, straight from the pen of the 18th member of the Indian touring party. With tongue very obviously, very firmly, in cheek.

Dear Diary....

It gets a little tiring waiting, especially waiting upon people? And, even for that, I'm not top of the charts! Monty always gets that job, and they even showed him on television last night. He's a good guy, no denying that, but what can he do that I can't do as well -- if not better? Go on, tell me! I can change Sourav's gloves faster than anybody else in the team can, and Sachin's bat isn't that heavy that I can't carry it out, either!

By the way, Monty was saying -- and this is strictly between you and me -- that he used to dream about playing in Australia. Running in, full pelt, at the Waughs and the Slaters -- crack!, that's the middle stump crashing down! Well, run in he does, and straight to the wicket too. But all he's been delivering here, is a message from the team management to the guys in the middle! Ok, so Monty can run faster than me, but hey, when has speed ever been a top priority with us?

Bottomline is, I really wanted to play today. And even till last night, I was so sure I would. In fact, between you and me, I got very strong feelers? But here I am, warming my posterior in the dressing room! Again!! Sigh!!! For an Indian, Sach is life, huh?

So okay, it's a small time game, but it's a game at least? And, I'd like to have played, just for the record, if you know what I mean? My kids would never believe me, if even one tour match doesn't have my name to it. You know? It gets embarrassing, after a point. And boring, too. Australia's pretty and all that, but the view from the dressing gets a trifle monotonous.

Look, it's not like they can't do with a change? We've not exactly had what one may call a dream start. If you ask me, I was particularly mortified after the one against the PM's XI. Shudder! Losing to the big guns is not more, or less, than we expect, but that game was disaster zone. And, I still don't get a game? Now that's a little unfair, yes?

Now, I'm not saying that the boys aren't trying. They are. Sometimes, they try me too far, especially when they expect me to fetch and carry for them, late at night. But seriously, we lasted more than four days, and that's more than what was expected. But, I'm an honest guy. And the best way to learn (and a better way to teach) is through criticism. Honest, constructive criticism.

So we did ok, today. A century, a semi-century and some sort of partnerships. Excellent. Of course, it doesn't matter that the bowlers were not exactly, shall we say, indicative of what shall follow in the 'real' Test, but everyone seems content, so that's that.

Actually, that's what really befuddles me? These guys, after all that's been happening, seem quite upbeat and cheerful?! How? Yesterday, I thought I'd help the boys out, some tips and suggestions, you know, pep 'em up? So I go out, and what do I see? Kapil paaji waved me over and I thought aaah, he's seen my value at last, so what do I get? I get to be the damn goalkeeper in a football game they were playing, is what I get! So what's the big deal with them anyway? I thought they'd be at their batting, getting it right, but they're more keen on brushing up on some latent football skills!! Way they are going, they'll end up giving Mohun Bagan a complex, but that's another story.

Oh damn! There's the door. My roomie's back, and if he's here to drag me out for a spot of footer, I'm going to just give up. Finito. I'm through. Forget saving the world, the team, what have you. Do me a favour? Try and figure my team out, and when I get back, we'll exchange notes, huh?

The Spare Crib/Abhilasha Khaitan