Commentary/Varsha Bhosle
The night of the long knives
The hangover persists. While the sane commentators will have moved on
to more momentous happenings, Bhosle is stuck on the April 11 debate
fiasco. "Fiasco" because there was no debate as such: The UF abused the
Congress and BJP; the Congress maligned the UF and BJP; the
Independents jabbed at the Congress, UF and BJP; and the BJP smirked
and rubbed its collective hands in glee. Too bad you guys didn't get to
watch – it turned out to be an unforgettable 12-hour gore-fest.
Confession time: In the perpetual quest for an alternative to the old
guard, every once in a while, your friendly optimist is visited by
divine revelations. Sometimes they stand true, and sometimes she lies
flat on my face, groping around for her bloodied teeth. Like the time I
took one look at Rajiv Gandhi at his mother's funeral pyre and decided
he was the one (no need to tell you how that went). Like the day I saw
a picture of Rajesh Pilot with his Air Force wings and began feeling
très benevolent towards him (hadn't realised that a vazir needs
qualities different from a pawn's). Like when I was had by Sharad "The
Maratha Strongman" Pawar's propaganda machine ("The Maratha
Milquetoast" is more like it).
Well, this time around, and thanks to the aforesaid debate, it is the
turn of the BJP's Pramod Mahajan. And you know what? I'm rather willing to
stake my dubious reputation on this piece of art. I had heard that he
is so ruthless a strategist that the holy Sangh Parivar, especially its
leadership, doesn't quite approve of him. At the same time, for him to
have been appointed the Union defence minister during the BJP's 13-day
stint, they must have no doubt about his loyalty to the party and his
right-wing inflexibility. And Thackeray-bashers, you won't be surprised
to learn that it is Mr Mahajan who's responsible for the BJP-Sena
alliance – and its continuation. Yummy… garam masala, tikhat ani
mirchi. Saatvik bhojan never did suit me.
But to return to my oracle: All said, I still had had no idea he could
be this effective. I suppose the peculiarity of the post-debate reports
can be put down to the loftier (leftier?) ideals and perceptions of our
secularist press lords… but I still don't get it: Why was Mr Mahajan's
pointed speech pointedly ignored by India's national dailies – when it
was the one which brought the House down, and when it was all that the
normal viewer could rave about? (The operative word here is "normal".)
Agreed, the old Communists, Somnath Chatterjee and Indrajit Gupta, were
good. But then the Communists always are good when it comes to
non-China-threatening principles. It's when practical sense is required
that they come a cropper. Forgetting that it was the Congress (and not
the Hindutvawadis) which had rocked the UF boat – and also since he had
been given no solid reasons to parry on the floor – Mr Chatterjee
launched on a scratching of his favourite post. And along with the
usual communal-divisive-fundamentalist-forces bullshit, he fused the
unfusable: "Sitaram Vajpayee", thereby equating a bungling bandar with
the nation's finest Parliamentarian. A cheaper shot was not made that
day. And that, Mr Mahajan utilised fully.
What fascinated me most about Mr Mahajan's speech was that the entire
thing was a reply to what had been said earlier on in the day. His
opening joust was on the ambiguity of the situation: he stressed that,
till then, not one speaker had clarified his opposition/support of the
motion (it's true, none had). He slew Inder Kumar Gujral's inscrutable
motives with just one query: "Is this a debate on the progress of the
external affairs ministry?" He highlighted Sharadrao's now-glaring
oddity: "The UF-Congress talks didn't make a headway since they
couldn't cross the line of control at Farooq Abdullah's home. And at
Sharad Pawar's house, they couldn't not sit on the fence." FOTCL
(falling off the chair, laughing)! Believe me, the camera showed M/s
Pilot and Pawar helplessly doing precisely that.
However, the most telling comment on the present state of governmental
affairs came from Mr Mahajan's anecdotal barb at the Maharashtra
Gomantak Party's lone electee, Ramakant Khalap: "When asked to explain
the Indian concept of democracy, I told our Chinese hosts, I'm from the
single largest party – and I form the Opposition. You see Mr Pawar
there? He's from the second-largest party – and he's outside the
government. That CPI man there, he's from the third-largest party – and
he's inside the government but from the outside. But this gentleman,
he's the only person from his party – and he IS the government." Well,
even Mr Khalap collapsed.
But most significantly, Mr Mahajan drove home the fact that the BJP was
under no moral obligation to pass a Budget it did not agree with: "Did
you show largesse for the BJP when its government in Gujarat was
dismissed under Article 356? Did you show kindness after Atalji had
defended himself on the confidence motion moved by the BJP to save its
national government? How can you even ask support from the BJP when you
had arrogantly announced that you would last the full term? To save the
Budget is the responsibility of the UF and its supporters – it is not
the BJP's onus." (Since I had publicly opined that the BJP must support
Prime Minister Deve Gowda, or at least abstain, this argument was
particularly humbling.)
No, it could not have been a planned delivery or a written text. But
just in case it was, either this chap is a genius, or the governmental
sheep are so predictable that they better be led to the slaughter
quick-time. The ability that Mr Mahajan seems to be gifted with – to
think standing on one's feet – I revere. And as for the measured
pauses, the drama, the deadpans, the sneers, the sidelong glances… I
have decided. When I grow up, I will marry this man.
The prime minister, on the other hand, was in first-class Mark Antony mode.
To be perfectly honest, I didn't think he had it in him. One
thought he would fall asleep while appearing to be meditating, and
certainly not come out with lines to the effect of "and yet they say I
am incompetent, and the reckoning will be bitter, I promise you…" For
no matter what Mr Deve Gowda actually said, all I could hear was: Did this
in Caesar seem ambitious? / Ambition should be made of sterner stuff, /
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious; / And Brutus is an honourable man… At
least in my drawing room, there wasn't a dry eye.
Naturally, there have been reams of columns and editorials castigating
Mr Deve Gowda for being peevish and lowering the dignity of the
prime-ministerial chair. I beg to differ. There is no rule, no ethic,
no moral which says that one must go down without a fight (honestly,
our intelligentsia rather insists that everybody should drop 'em and
bend over for a caning). Fact is, the confidence-motion was a battle,
and the session turned out to be the night of the long knives.
Certainly, my own favourite stab was when Mr Deve Gowda pulled out Sitaram
Kesri's letter to the President, and oh-so-innocently faltered: "What
is this word, nikam... nikamma?" Splendid stuff! He did what should
have been done long ago – thrust the knife deep into the gut
and twist it excruciatingly slowly. What a tremendous performance. This
is probably what they mean by silent waters etc.
Between Mr Mahajan and Mr Deve Gowda, the notable speeches were given by
CPI-M's Indrajit Gupta, the BJP's Uma Bharati and, of course, always, Atal
Bihari Vajpayee ("par tees taareekh mein aisi kya vishesh baat thi?").
All others – especially the genteel-ly whimpering Mr Chidambaram – sank
without a trace. Yes, Mr Pilot also spoke in this interim. But the only
reason for my remembering him is his Mahajan-trained dart: "The BJP has
such fine orators; they have got here only by speaking".
: -) I'm sorry, but I can't wipe the silly grin off my face. The truth
is, amidst such rank absurdity and moronic positions, how can sound
reasoning not sparkle as grand eloquence?
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