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Election khichadi, III

Since I never miss a programme with that lollapalooza, Star News anchor Prannoy Roy, I got to see Kapil Sibal's first public reaction to the Insight exit polls -- the one that's caused such an upheaval in the Congress (Italian) quarters. And Arun Jaitley's (two lollapaloozas in one show, heaven). The survey tested 1.25 lakh voters spread over 127 constituencies, the largest sampling ever, and its projections don't match Doordarshan's or Jain TV's. No need to riff on about the figures; the gist is that the NDA may have a big lead over the Congress.

The Ambulance Chaser was a very agitated man, indeed; while our man in Delhi sat with this totally smug grin, speaking only briefly. That's another of his gambits: when the environment is right, he lets people make complete asses of themselves. And so Sibal had the floor all to himself: he trashed the figures, of course, but then he also started attacking the third guest, the psephologist who had conducted the survey. "Who has financed this exit poll?... We know you also conducted the India Today polls... Everybody knows it's done to influence voters... When these figures are proved wrong, as I'm sure they will be, WHO will take the responsibility? WHO is to be held accountable?" thundered Sibal.

Prannoy Roy, unlike most of our moderators, never betrays his personal preferences or feelings, and is excessively amiable and polite. I believe he also heads or is a director of NDTV, the company that produces the news capsules -- and which had contracted ORG-MARG, Insight's parent company, to conduct the poll for Star News. Roy smiled sweetly through his beard at Sibal, and asked the psephologist to answer the insults. Which dumpling of a man had sat quietly, answered to the point, and never reacted even once throughout the tirade. Now, he asked just this: "If the figures are proved wrong, how have they influenced the voters? Take the responsibility for what?" Hahahahaha...

I feel quite sorry for the Ambulance Chaser. I get this feeling that he goes to each public appearance with a sense of dread. That he doesn't really believe what he's about to say but he must say it anyway. It's there, right on his face. He's not the guy he used to be...

End result of Sibal's amazingly offensive aggression? This statement from NDTV: "ORG-Marg is the largest market research organisation in the country and is known for its high professional standards. It also has the best track record in opinion polling in the country, which is why it was selected to carry out this assignment." Not to speak of public sympathy for the psephologist. And the realisation of the contrast between the spokesmen of the Congress and the BJP...

Do I believe these exit polls? Naah. We Indians are a sadistic lot -- few of us reveal the truth to a pollster. We like to sit back and enjoy the circus of confusion we create. And why not? It's fun to give politicos heart-attacks.

Take Lokmat's exit poll. It has predicted a close race between the BJP and Congress, with the NDA tipped to get only 169 seats and the Congress to get 159 seats of the 344 polled so far. In UP, it has predicted a serious setback for BJP. The fundies look down, going by this survey.

BTW, Lokmat is a Marathi daily.

The Lok Sabha isn't the only battle ground -- there are other elections, too, which have fundies and secs at each other's throats. One such is the Delhi University Students Union's.

Sanjay Sharma, the candidate for joint secretaryship of the NSUI -- the Congress' students union -- has been charged with procuring a fake admission through the scheduled caste quota. The ABVP -- the BJP's students union -- avers that Sanjay is a Brahmin of the Vatsa gotra (his grandpa is Pt Bhimsen Sharma), and has produced a document of the Law Centre II which states that Sanjay "belongs to Scheduled Caste category as per our record."

The NSUI's president says, "We have not given tickets on caste basis. We will present the facts in time to come." Which answers nothing. So like the Shroud's answer of "technicality."

Prof RS Mann, the election officer, says, "My knowing or not knowing the matter hardly makes a difference. I can only take action when an election petition is filed." So like the three stooges.

ABVP's state secretary says, "We were very sure something like this would come up from only the party of cheats." Hahahahaha....

Last year, The Indian Express reported that the ABVP's presidential candidate to DUSU was stabbed during his campaign trail. An FIR was filed by the principal of the college. In its complaint to the chief election officer, ABVP said, "We were being stopped from entering the college and these people followed us around shouting slogans favouring Sanjay Choudhary, the NSUI candidate. We told the only constable standing on guard outside the college that he should accompany us inside since there were chances of violence."

Last week, the NSUI alleged, "ABVP supporters attacked the NSUI panel and the Joint Secretary candidate in particular. Not only was he brutally beaten, but ABVP supporters also used lathis and knives to stab the NSUI [Brahmin-Schedule Caste] Joint Secretary candidate." But, no FIR has been filed.

Young fundies are learning the sagacity in eenthh ka jawab patthar se.

Clad in khadi, Vishnu Bhagwat campaigned for his old friend Suresh Pachauri, the Congress candidate from Bhopal. Pachauri used to be minister of state for defence production in the Narasimha Rao regime. You know, the guys who decide on arms and things...?

Next, he's campaigning against George in Nalanda. His repertoire against the NDA is creative. He claims to have "definite information" that the BJP had plans to sever Kashmir and the NE from India by granting them independence -- intelligence provided by "friends" in IB and RAW. He accuses the BJP of being in league with, of all things, Islamic militants. He accuses George of "taking money from foreign agencies" since 1971, and holding secret talks with insurgents, during which he promised that the army would overlook their activities. He accuses Atalji of trying to "communalise, factionalise, politicise and demoralise the last remaining institution," the armed forces.

All these pearls were strewn during a press briefing. Along with senior CPI leader Khagendra Thakur...

When newsmen asked him to furnish evidence, Bhagwat could not provide any. When asked whether George had issued any directive to the army, he evaded replying. So Ok, I thought, he's a disturbed dipweed. But then came the clincher: He distributed a paper purporting to show how the Narasimha Rao and Deve Gowda governments had striven to address the needs of the armed forces. No other proof required: Scumbag *needs* to be in a strait-jacket.

Balasaheb is once again in the code-of-conduct docks and awaits a notice from the EC. A Congress activist in Ramtek constituency made a complaint, and the Nagpur police filed the case after preliminary investigations. The charge is that Balasaheb used a "casteist epithet" to describe the Shiv Sena candidate.

The epithet is: "Maratha gadi, yashaacha dhani." An old aphorism meaning, a Marathi is always successful.

The other day, a pinko pal called to get my reaction to a report in the ToI. He was sure I'd be embarrassed, if not apologetic: "The panic in the BJP surfaced when a group of BJP supporters, allegedly led by the powerful but infamous MLC Ajit Singh, pounced on a group of actors belonging to SAHMAT and beat them up. The actors, twelve in number, were returning from Raniganj after they failed to perform their street play, Teen Terah ka Chakkar, because of an election meeting addressed by Kalyan Singh in the vicinity."

SAHMAT is a pinko org. The play is political, seeking to depict the failures of the BJP-led government. Now why on earth would I be depressed about the incident?? Fundies don't go around murdering and burning like Naxalites and CPI-M thugs do! A bit of thrashing works wonders on the constitution. Pun intended.

The Press Council of India, the august body whose job is to uphold the freedom of press and journalistic ethics, is the noble instrument partly responsible for the three stooges' diktat prohibiting publication and telecast of opinion and exit polls.

The information became known when the EC pleaded to the Supreme Court that the PCI had recommended the guidelines. The court retorted: "Do you now want us to act in aid of the Press Council?" Hahahahaha... God, the jokers have even the apex court making wisecracks.

Another scathing comment, from former law minister Shanti Bhushan: "So and so speaker has the capacity to sway the audience, therefore he should not be allowed to address public meetings, because other political parties do not have a matching campaigner."

In a DD talk show, the editor of Outlook, Vinod Mehta, was pitted against the editor of India Today, Prabhu Chawla, over the issue of the media's politicising Kargil. Snatches:

Mehta: "You can't fault the pursuit of Truth."

Chawla: "The media did politicise the issue of Kargil."

Moderator, Karan Thapar: "The army said you didn't give it a chance to explain."

Mehta: "The army is caught in the crossfire. The principal culprit is the government."

Chawla: "If the army says some letters are concocted, I would print photocopies of the letters... The credibility of the media is involved."

Mehta: "Of course I've seen the letters!... There were 28 to 29 letters. It is like a can of worms, everyday new information is emerging."

Chawla: "Our first story was on intelligence failure [on sangar/barracks]. The editor must stand by his story."

Thapar: "Your brother, a retired general, has contradicted the Outlook story in an article in The Pioneer."

Mehta: "I blame the army chief... A brigadier can't present the whole mosaic of Pakistani infiltration!"

Chawla: "Publish the letters!"

Mehta: "We have satisfied ourselves about the authenticity of the letters. Why should we respond to something like this?!"

Chawla: "Prove us wrong!"

Mehta: "If I am wrong, by God, hang me... I will quit the profession."

Thapar: "What he's [Chawla] saying is, media honour depends upon publishing the letters."

Chawla: "Publish one letter!"

Mehta: "Why doesn't the army sue me?... They are classified documents... We will produce them in court."

Chawla: "If I were challenged, I would have published the letters!"

Thapar: "Media credibility requires that you stop saying 'believe me'."

Bhosle: a) Classified documents can be quoted verbatim, but not printed.
b) The principle culprit is the government, but the army chief is to blame.
c) The onus of proof rests on the defendant -- the Indian Army...

Priyanka Vadra has complained to the district magistrate and electoral officer of Amethi that the BJP plans to disrupt her campaign, rig and capture booths, and intimidate Congress workers. She met top police officials and sought protection for her minions.

Thing is, three days before the complaint, the EC observer to Amethi, DK Rao, was removed from his duty because he had called on Priyanka, and had been selectively intimidating BJP workers. Oh god, a female Ambulance Chaser...

Varsha Bhosle