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Foot in mouth disease

Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee is an excellent speaker. I don't mean just his pulpit oratory, but the way he talks one-to-one. It's all in his demeanour: amiable and courteous enough to make him seem approachable; reserved enough to not seem unctuous or timid; and just impatient enough to make a person realise she asked a stupid question, and yet not feel slighted or rebuffed. It's a rare gift. No wonder he has everyone eating out of his hands. If nobody but M/s Vajpayee, Advani, Jaswant Singh and Yashwant Sinha spoke for the government and their party, the Press would be in deep shit.

Unfortunately, wishes aren't horses. So, we're saddled with, among others, Kushabhau Thakre, who believes it's his duty to open his mouth, whether an opportunity presents itself or not, whether he's required to or not. Take his recent statement that the majority of Indians "want the government to retrieve PoK". One poll had indicated that 63% Indians want it back. Therefore, the very next day, the BJP supremo felt it incumbent upon him to declare it at a Press conference. Had anybody specifically asked Thakre about PoK? No.

Result: Exactly when the whole world was having kittens over "India's restraint," the BJP made headlines here and abroad with the "Hindu nationalist party" tag highlighted, and without any mention of a poll --- since the BJP president had introduced the topic, and presented it as his own perception.

Last month, the party conducted a conclave to enlighten its spokespersons on media management. (It's paid off with Arun Jaitley, the polite lawyer whom I've often wanted to violently shake out of his mildness. Now, he's decidedly aggro --- decimated Kamal Nath in a debate on the politicisation of Kargil.) However, there was a major lapse in the media strategy adopted at the meet: Mr Arun Shourie must have forgotten to lecture on the judicious application of the gag-plaster-and-muzzle. Hence, Thakre.

Even Mulayam Singh declared that although PoK was a part of India, the decision to cross the LoC should be left to the military. Of course, he then ridiculed Thakre for saying that the army should be "allowed to cross" over. "It is not a game of kabaddi to cross the LoC," Mulayam sneered, and blasted him for creating a "war hysteria in the country." I'm with him: One, he's been defence minister and has some knowledge in that sphere. Two, if not for him, we'd have had a vicious, dumb, Italian PM who would have, just to prove her nationalistic credentials, thrown India into the Coliseum of a full-scale war.

It's useless explaining to yobs that a leader's job is to lead --- and not BE LED by the mob: Atalji has consistently gone against the wishes of the Parivar (Panchjanya has just slammed him) --- and now, also popular sentiment --- to place India in the position she finds herself: Tomorrow, even if she were to cross the LoC (which chances are looking extremely bright), no country can question her stand and call her bellicose. That credit goes entirely to Atalji's handling of the crisis. In all the Indo-Pak wars, Pakistan has always been the aggressor, but the Congress leadership never could whip up even a speck of international support...

But, with friends like Thakre, Atalji needs no Natwars: If the PoK glitch wasn't enough, from Goa, he "categorically stated that along with Kargil, everything that is being done by the BJP for the welfare of the country would be made a poll issue." Excellent. After all the other BJP deputies have gone blue in the face decrying the Congress for politicising Kargil, its president announces that Kargil will be the party's poll issue --- while accusing the Congress for making hay "while the Indian soldiers were fighting on the battlefield to save our country"!!

Result: headlines. So, Atalji had to beg his cadre, "We do not want to exploit Kargil for deriving political mileage. We can only request other political parties not to play politics with Kargil. The Kargil conflict is a question of national security."

Other Thakre pearls include: "[Atalji] even declined President Bill Clinton's invitation to go to USA" (great; I'm sure the State Department appreciates the BJP president's rubbing it in). "There was no financial crisis and not even need to declare emergency" (thanks for informing Sancho Panza you were contemplating it). "The whole nation knows that only due to Atal Bihari Vajpayee's visit to Lahore the country could get outside support on the Kargil issue" (thanks for telling us the fate of India hinges on a trip to Pakistan).

Could someone *please* inform this person that NOBODY in this country is dying to hear his opinions? That we'd rather he not embarrass the PM? That we'd rather he not ream external affairs? Please, just take moun-vrat. And if you really want to help through your utterances --- please, just join the Congress.

Is it any better with the Congress? Ha. The demands for a Rajya Sabha session and a white paper and "democratic accountability" --- all supposed to contrast with Nehru's handling of the China fiasco --- is the stuff for comic books. Here's an extract from Panditji's speech during the debate on the no-confidence motion on August 22, 1963:

"Everybody knows how strength in such matters depends not only on arms, armies and armaments, but on the morale and unity of the people... I would beg of the honourable members to consider how far this morale and unity are strengthened by this motion of no-confidence... The Chinese press, about which I get reports every day, gloats over these things. I believe one of the reasons, perhaps the major reason, for attacking us last October was the feeling in the minds of the Chinese that India was faced with many disruptive tendencies and if they gave a blow, we would split up into fragments. They were mistaken, of course. The opposite has happened. Apart from what they might think, we must ponder over what effect it might have on our Army and our own people if we quarrel too much among ourselves; it will demoralise them."

Deja vu...? Why hasn't the BJP pasted this on Natwar gob?? Because, those who should be poring over papers to find precedents which fortify the government's stand, are busy trying to get their mug shots and opinions into newspapers and television...

Like Panditji, Atalji is right. Look where the Shroud's avarice has led: The Dawn of 7 July reports, "Sonia Gandhi, head of the Congress party, said the government had failed in its duty to protect India's borders. 'People want an answer from this government for its weakness and slackness on the borders,' the Italian-born widow of former prime minister Rajiv Gandhi told a gathering in Bihar. 'Keeping borders protected is the responsibility of the government but they failed in their duty,' she said in one of the strongest attacks yet on the BJP-led coalition government over Kashmir."

In The News of July 10, Imtiaz Gul writes, "[The Indian Army] that has suffered huge human and material losses and would like to reap bloody noses from the Kargil heights to assuage its own ego, and more so of the Indian public and political parties who have been looking down upon them as a *incompetent* and *demoralised* lot."

The 150-year-old Indian National Congress has now become a rallying point for Pakis. They use the Shroud's gas to claim that the Indian government is weak and the Indian Army --- which is thrashing them --- is slack at the borders. The Pakistan paper -- to date -- hasn't quoted a pinko or the Gujral Doctrine or even Sancho Panza. At the meeting of the CMs, Jyoti Basu said, "The message must go out loud and clear that so far as driving the infiltrators away from the soil of our country is concerned, the Union government and the State governments will act and move unitedly to strengthen the solidarity of the nation." Whereas the Shroud's lap-dogs --- Dixit, Digvijay, Gehlot --- were *instructed* to sharply criticise the government.

Then again, what else can one expect from a foreigner...

With Pakistan, it's even worse. Hard job, handling the Press --- not for yobs. On July 4, after the Clinton-Sharief summit, the entire DC and NY Press corps walked out of the briefing given by Pakistan's foreign office spokesman Tariq Altaf. He told a senior NY journalist that the latter had either not read or didn't understand the language of the joint statement. When other old-hands tried to pin him down on the "concrete steps" promised by Pakistan, Altaf told them "not to raise your voice." Finally, one Washingtonian blew his top and shouted that he wasn't going to stand being treated like schoolkid --- and walked out. The rest followed.

Discourtesy is the hallmark of Pakistani diplomacy. On 18 June, Cairo's leading English-daily, Egyptian Gazette, wrote: "The Pakistani embassy's press counsellor seems to be experienced in everything except for the Press area which is presumably his key assignment as his job title indicates. His reply to the gazette is filled with nothing other than insolence. Moreover, Islamabad's involvement in supporting militant groups runs counter to the principles of peace it advocates." The Pakistani diplomat has exposed himself as only "versatile in mouthing insults and vulgarities," it said.

This was in reaction to the Pakistan embassy's Dr Shakil Akhtar getting hives over an analysis on Kargil, which he felt did not portray Islamabad's view. Among other things, Akhtar wrote in a letter to the editor that Pakistan was willing to "arrange, free of charge, special summer course for your 'analyst' in the art of writing credible news analyses and preparing propaganda stuff with some amount of sophistication." This is the standard of Pakistan's counselling.

The Indian Army's spokesman, Colonel Bikram Singh, in private, may use the choicest khada gaalis for Pakis. But when he went on the microphone after the return of the mutilated bodies of the six soldiers, the hardest he went was, "This is a gift by Pakistan to India a few days before its Foreign Minister Sartaj Aziz visits New Delhi to discuss the Kargil situation." It's called restraint --- essential when one's country is *officially* being presented to the world.

But listen to ISPR spokesman Brigadier Rashid Qureshi during a media briefing in Pakistan --- on the very day his PM was negotiating a face-saver with Clinton: When quizzed about India's recapturing Tiger Hills, Qureshi said, "30,000 men, 150 artillery guns, 70 aircraft operating unopposed for the last two months against some mujahideen, and the Indians have nothing to show for it. Not one mujahideen body, and five peaks?! Yes, they have something to show for it --- about 600 men killed and 1,100 wounded. Yes, they have something to show for it --- burials, burials and burials of Indian soldiers."

No, it shouldn't make your blood boil --- that's to be reserved for an intelligent foe. The Qureshis and Guls are meant to be brushed off. For then, we suddenly find somebody else doing our job for us: Tim Sebastian of BBC's Hard Talk, has been like a fox terrier snapping away at the heels of Pak diplomats. First he screwed Altaf's happiness, now he's buggered Sartaj Aziz's. I have never, ever, seen Mr Sebastian aggressive and hostile towards his guests. What's it with him and Pakis?! Methinks, it's that old foot in mouth disease that's made Pakis, well, Pakis...

Tailpiece: Piali Roy wrote, "Newsflash to Ignorant Indians: Long before we became South Asians, desis or Indian-Americans, we were all once Pakis."

Cute. But the Charitable Canadian should exert her brains, too: Were Pakistanis the first group from the subcontinent to emigrate? Are they numerically more than Indians? Why weren't THEY called "Indies"?? Why's it that when cops question Pakis for, say, a pub brawl, they identify themselves as Indians in the hope of being let off lightly? Answer: Indians have earned a good reputation. The habit of writing for Western publications engenders an obsequious and self-deprecating mentality: Try writing for India, and as an Indian, sometimes.

Varsha Bhosle