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Election khichadi

Was just thinking, since the Election Commission has banned election ads on the electronic media because it brings "serious distortions" in the electoral arena, and, in a poor country like India, the power of money could totally disturb democracy, shouldn't the next step be to ban all rich and famous people from taking part in elections? For instance, Sunil Dutt and Dilip Kumar have their own considerable resources; Madhuri Dixit and Mahima are slated to campaign for the Congress; BJP's Vinod Khanna seems to have roped in the rest of the film industry. Let's ban them all! That would be true democracy, Indian style.

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The EC has put on hold till October 3, the telecast of a documentary on Kargil since it may be advantageous to those who handled the conflict. Then, why don't the Three Stooges have any objection to the huge hoarding outside the Congress headquarters in Delhi, displaying a picture of a howitzer with a caption screaming something to the effect of, "Thousands of bows on his birthday to Rajiv Gandhi, the man who brought the Bofors gun which made the Indian flag flutter in Kargil"? Or is this not a blatant use of Kargil?

On another note, isn't the caption also a direct denial of the Shroud's public line that "The government is strangely seeking praise that is rightfully due to the brave soldiers of the Indian Army"? Does Bofors the Indian defence make...?

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The EC has succeeded in making many, many Mumbaikars turn a sympathetic eye towards the Shiv Sena again -- by barring Balasaheb from exercising his right to vote. Right from choosing Sept-Oct for elections, through the banning of reporters from accompanying the PM and the appointing of Congressman Kapil Sibal as its lawyer, to the latest ignominy...

Ah! Bet you haven't heard this one: Apparently, the EC "advised" Atalji not to address a conference of the World Health Organisation to be held in Lucknow on August 27 because of the election code. Of course, Atalji agreed. But I want to know: WHAT is the "code" behind this particular directive? Have all our former PMs sat twiddling their thumbs during the run-up to the elections???

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Former Prone Minister Deve Gowda has released the Janata Dal (Secular, if you please) manifesto which promises to provide reservation in government jobs for minorities and Dalit Christians... The Shroud has promised that the Congress is committed to implementing the 15-point programme for minorities, which provides for "enhanced representation in the police and other government security agencies"...

I'm reminded of Balasaheb: "I know what is politics and how far I can go. Tell me, if others are doing religious propaganda, how can you stop me from harping on Hindutva? They are propagating the Muslim cause in their desperate effort to garner votes. What is the EC doing about it?"

Nothing, of course.

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Religion *has* become India's primary electoral issue. And, EC or no EC, Constitution or not, it will remain so till the minorities don't wake up from their "hurt" state. Reservations can never be the solution: It will only succeed in further driving apart the communities.

Hinduism has survived extremely harsh centuries under Islam and Christianity. This sole existing ancient religion could withstand Semitic onslaughts because it learnt how to shut out and when to open up. The staunchest of Hindu secularists -- who have zero to do with politics, of course -- could well begin to play games that no one could ever put a legal finger on. And these could be industrialists, bureaucrats, shopkeepers, teachers... The gains of reservations will ultimately be lost in the actualities of everyday life.

Sultan Shahin, in ToI of August 25, reached the root of the problem: "The point to remember is that most of this [discrimination against Muslims] happened under administrations run by the Congress, elected with Muslim votes. Muslims, therefore, have only themselves to blame... No government and no constitutional amendment can do anything for Muslims until they re-establish the goodwill of the majority community to the extent enjoyed until the Khilafat movement. But 1990s are not 1920s. The BJP today is not the Hindu Mahasabha of yesterday... Let us concentrate on discussing strategies for developing mutual goodwill between our two communities. The rest will follow."

Strangely enough, Shahin even has a solution. And it's one that jolted me out of my armchair: "But where do we, as Muslims, start? I think, we can start with voting along with the majority of people, disregarding the formula that divides the country into secular and communal camps." This guy should be roped in by the BJP!

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Time for some comic relief, and who better than JJ's former Sancho Panza? "I brought Vajpayee down at a tea party. I am now planning a dinner to teach Jaya a lesson." We're waiting fork in hand...

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More confirmation on the ways of BJP's media managers: On August 25, Delhi journalists totally boycotted the party's media conference in protest against the "high-handed and rude behaviour" of BJP leader Nand Kishore Garg, who had earlier quarreled with two reporters, and then rebuked another for, guess what, laughing.

Great going, guys; what with the Vajpayee-USP, you don't seem to need any goodwill.

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This is a good one: The Congress has gone high-tech in its campaign and announced a website designed to facilitate "direct contact" with its deity. It seems, all questions will be answered in "less than 24 hours" by Sonia, and "journalists can directly attribute to the Congress president the replies received on the e-mail."

Now imagine the Shroud -- and not the Pomeranian or Jar Jar Binks or Kapil Sibal (I really need to christen him soon) -- reading and comprehending and answering intelligent queries... Oops! Sorry. The intelligent won't swallow this piece of crap.

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Madhav Scindia has charged the BJP with trying to halt the rise of Sonia by dubbing her as "inexperienced." Er, are there two opinions about it?? Did he expect the BJP to facilitate her rise -- like she's been doing for Atalji with each negative utterance on Kargil?

Scindia also said that the accusation had been made with the idea of "exerting pressure on the youth and depriving them of leadership." Youth...? Why "youth"?? What makes him believe that she's an idol to the young? Is this an indication that we'll shortly see Sonia on MTV?

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You know, each time I hear the Shroud saying, "The Congress alone can provide a stable government," I can't help but agree. I instantly picture her in South Block, feeding oats and bran to a stable of content sycophants...

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On Thursday, Manmohan Singh said, "We are not fighting shy of a coalition... But one has to reckon with the situations as they arise" and that "if at all it becomes necessary," there would be an alliance.

On Sunday, the Pomeranian quoth, "Uvee are prepared to phorm a gaavermint iph uvee don't haf a majority, with they caunsent oph they majority. But not uvith they paarticipashaan oph others... That has been articoolated by no less a pairson than they Congress prejeedaynt herselph!"

Meanwhile, the prejeedaynt herselph was articoolating, "If the situation arises then we have to cope with it. We will have to rethink."

What about that "18-party coalition government has but only given way to a khichadi of 22 parties"? How many would it take to form a Congress alliance? Will she lobby for Sharadrao's support? What about the Great Wall who so humiliated her in Villupuram? What about Laloo, who sneered that the Congress really deserved only 10 seats but he magnanimously gifted 14, against the original demand of 22? What about Manmohan Singh's own assertions that the party "will not compromise on corruption"...?

If and when the stable answers "in less than 24 hours," I will discover the new and secular connotations of the word that the Italian attributes to the BJP: "Opportunistic." Sharm aani chahiye?

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Have you heard much about the rape of a Dalit woman in Lucknow's Nehru Bhavan, the UP headquarters of the Congress? The woman narrated her tale to the party leaders who came in the next morning; she was sent back to her village; an inquiry was ordered; two employees were suspended. That's all. The UPCC did not even register a case with the police.

Have you heard of a boy being sodomised there? One paper reported it -- and then went strangely quiet about the entire affair.

I'm wondering: What would have been the media maahaul if this were to have happened in the BJP office...? For starters, we'd have heard every gory detail from the victim's relatives, a la Gladys Staines. And, "BJP STEPS UP ANTI-DALIT VIOLENCE" would have been the headline -- every day...

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Dara Singh, who's never been found under the Congress administration, now brutally murders a Muslim. What convenient timing...

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The Congress has cued its electioneering wing to restrain Sushma Swaraj from referring to the Italian as a foreigner since it tantamounts to commenting on her race and violates the Representation of People's Act. Swaraj can be jailed for three years because she declares, "Swadeshi mahilege purskara, videshi mahilege thiraskara" (reward the Indian woman, reject the foreign one).

Quite an irony: Swaraj vs Italian Raj. Who else but the nationalists to take over the Quit India Movement...

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The Hindustan Times states, "Clearly encouraged by the crowd's response, [Pramod] Mahajan went on: 'Many of you have made your husband's home your own and stayed put even after he died unfortunately. But did any of you insist that you be made the queen of Pandharkawada or Rajura because of your personal misfortune?' Mahajan's spurious logic was lost on the crowd."

"Spurious logic"...? I told you: *stable* government...

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These days, the letters to the editor provide more news than a newspaper itself. From The Hindu of August 26 comes this gem by V Janaki Ram: "Sonia Gandhi was provided accommodation in the Raj Bhavan at Hyderabad during her recent visit to the city. The Raj Bhavan is a government house, but not a guest house. Only VVIPs such as the President or the prime minister are entitled to accommodation in the Raj Bhavan... She has never held any high office in the present or past governments to be elevated to the status of a VVIP. As a member of the family of slain prime ministers, she may be eligible for the privilege of a security cover by the elite SPG, but she is certainly not entitled to accommodation in the Raj Bhavan."

Apparently, when former prime minister Narasimha Rao visits Hyderabad, he's lodged in the Lake View guest house -- and not the Raj Bhavan. It's a sad stable of gubernatorial affairs, indeed.

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Now this is a ver-r-ry dicey one...

The Congress has threatened that it will be compelled to talk about the moral conduct of some top BJP leaders if action isn't taken against Pramod for equating the Shroud with Monica L.

That grand old man, Sam Manekshaw, has confirmed what I've always believed -- that philanderers, of both sexes, make good leaders and "men and women like their leaders to be 'like a man' who does not behave like a hypocrite or a saint." (It's just my rotten luck that I happen to meet only the followers.)

Sam cites the examples of Julius Caesar, Napoleon and Duke Wellie: all great leaders, and all great lovers. Then, Pritish Nandy too gives us similar direction about Franklin D Roosevelt and Winston Churchill.

I'm telling you: Vote for the BJP...

Varsha Bhosle