SPECIALS
INTERVIEWS
CAPITAL BUZZ
REDIFF POLL
DEAR REDIFF
THE STATES
YEH HAI INDIA
ARCHIVES

A chorus of disapproval

There's always some pressure when 'tis the season to be jolly: One's expected to stuff the smellies under the carpet and put on a ho-ho-ho front. Moreover, I detest year-end recaps (dreading the century-end one). So your friendly psychopath shall simply continue as before -- as one gentle reader put it, "hair flying, blood dripping from your fangs, presiding over a terrible sacrifice at which the only offering is Muslim blood." Umm... the image resonates favourably with me...

OK, I got a real jolt earlier this month: For the first time ever -- and I've been his unabashed fan since decades -- I sneered at Vir Sanghvi's column. Normally, even though we belong to nearly- opposite ends of the ideological spectrum, his persuasive logic, unobtrusive stance and wicked sense of humour seduce me into surrendering to him. Till some dire actuality wipes the tongue-lolling, cross-eyed grin off my face. But this time, I got a headache.

Thing is, no way can I accept that Mr Sanghvi believes what he wrote. To wit, "(Sonia) has one great advantage over every other Indian politician: she does not long to be prime minister. This makes her less greedy and more rational than the rest. Unlike the others, she is not in politics solely to win power. She plunged herself into Congress politics only because she did not want it said that after the death of Rajiv, the Congress collapsed because the one surviving member of her generation in the family... did not have the guts to try and avert this collapse."

Come, come, now; let's not talk about no-greed/no-ambition and the Nehrus in the same breath. Before we, the people, voted Rajiv into power, we thought that such a moneybags would never need to indulge in what regional satraps believe is their birth-right: sapping the treasury. But that was before Bofors and Ottavio Quattrocchi. The sole thought Karl Marx got right in his thesis was: the greed for money has no limitations. That applies even more to power. "Does not long to be PM"? Hahahaha... you gotta be kidding! Once the woman got the taste of blood -- offered like neivedya by her servile, topi-dropping, feet-clutching Congressmen -- she's not about to live on ghaas-poos.

But I'll grant you this: Yes, she has shown herself to be cleverer than the rest. Yes, she's in it for the long term (which alone says a lot about her supposed non-ambition). However, these aren't characteristics special to the Shroud. It's simply due to her superior white genes - those structured to rule over us brownies. Our own genetic composition imputes that we welcome the opportunity of being ruled by an alien. And even make excuses for doing so. Let's face it, guys: whether it's Suleman or Sonia, this is a ghulamon ka desh.

Last May, I'd written: "Sonia's timing for joining the party should come as no surprise. She will be nominated as party president, after which, she will go straight to the top - for the cow-belt will cast their votes, as always, for this extension of the Nehrus. By dint of this trait, Sonia is the ace-in-the-hole that Congress needs so desperately. Therefore, isn't it extremely urgent that Sonia's financial affairs be scrutinised? Can the CBI give her a clean chit on the 10-year-old Bofors scandal - in which the Opposition alleged that Rajiv was the recipient of massive kickbacks?" Needless to say, the Opposition - now the Establishment - has been far too busy to oblige.

Before I move on to my current peeve, a word about the chorus of disapproval for Soniamev Jayate: I was happy to see that I could safely discount 75% of the hate-mail: Of the 15 items, 8 were from Macks and 3 from Mosies. Talk about minority solidarity with the Shroud... The rest, I suppose, were from those who sleep with their Hindu hair-shirts on.

And so, to the US I go. Where the slimy matter has finally come to a head and blown up in the President's face. And yet, the valiant one refuses to quit. Doesn't Slick Willie realise that the Senate doesn't consist of only Democrats, those who gobble up everything he presents? (As one wit put it, the latest party game to hit the Beltway is Swallow the Leader.)

From the lawns of the White House, the Prez demanded a "bipartisan process" in the Senate; he denounced the Republican refusal to adopt the censure motion blah blah. Kinda like: I said sorry, didn't I; what more do you want?! It takes little to discern the real import in the complex tongue called Clintonspeak. For instance, when he says, "The words of the members... were powerful and moving, and I will never forget them," one must hark back to his testimony before the grand jury: "I don't recall," "I have no specific recollection," "I honestly don't remember."

"We still have to save social security and Medicare for the 21st century" translates into, "I keep talking about this but have yet to come up with anything substantial." It amazes me that the President who vetoed the popular Education Savings Accounts Bill and Patients' Bill of Rights should now say, "We have to give all our children world-class schools. We have to pass a patients' bill of rights." And, "We have to keep America the world's strongest force for peace and freedom" is what comes after he slashes the defense budget. Still, the public laps it up. What an extraordinary performance.

Peace and freedom... Iraq... Frankly, I couldn't care less about who blasts which country. And I'll be thrilled if the US nukes the country where Osama Bin Laden is. I say, let them all bomb each other to kingdom come -- but do let's get the best deal out of it for us. Security Council members France, Russia and China have officially called for an end to economic sanctions on Iraq, and the firing of UNSCOM head Richard Butler, and the replacement of his inspectors. Do you think they did it for the love of Saddam and the Iraqi people? Bullshit. Their motives are as transparent as ever -- they want oil. And oil alone it is that oils their moral righteousness.

That said, I have to admit that I was disgusted by Clinton's and his poodle's rape of Iraq. The Anglo-American fraternity doesn't have the dignity it had in the Reagan-Thatcher era. However, what nauseates me more is the yeah-let's-fry-'em attitude of the more- progressive-than-thou Americans. Apparently, the newly militant Draft Dodger's popularity ratings have now reached an all-time high! I doubt if there are any other peoples in the world whose ethical ratings have sunk to such a low. If nothing else, this feature of the American psyche should be a lesson for all the Kuldip Nayars and Bidwais and Vanaiks who would have India lie spread-eagled under the ram of the CTBT. Yeah, wishful thinking...

What especially galled me is the Prez's statement -- later echoed by Poodle Blair -- calling for a change of government in Baghdad. Who the hell are they to decide what's best for the Iraqis? Right, they have the nukes...

So, I relished the chorus of disapproval by the international press. The best quote came from the editor-in-chief of France's Liberation, Serge July: "It's the most murderous oral sex in history." On a serious note, the Mirror's Paul Routledge wrote, "I do passionately feel that his reputation is not worth the life of a single Iraqi child." The Brits took Tony, too, to task. One Labour supporter wrote in The Times: "We have the stomach-turning spectacle of a Labour PM lining up to toady to the world's biggest bully. Our party cards are in the dustbin and I would urge all MPs who thought they could fight and reform from within to get out from this discredited party." The Daily headlined Operation Desert Fox as "None of our business."

And what do I think of whom Taki calls "our numero uno Humbert Humbert?" Well, I'm just an impressionable gal. Since the day that awesome columnist yielded to his demon in The Spectator, my mind's been made up: "Older men who make love to younger women assume a mentor's responsibility. Older men who are gentlemen, that is, and no one as yet has accused Bill Clinton of that. The invaluable education, both intellectual and sexual, that older men traditionally provide does not exist where Clinton and his bimbos are concerned. It's more like 'down on your knees, fix your make- up, deny, deny, deny...' Bill Clinton has not only made a joke of his marriage vows, he has managed to turn seduction into something vile. For this alone he deserves contempt."

What about she who set Tricky Dick's bum Tripp going? (The moniker suits him more than it did the one also brought down by Deepthroat, don't you think?) I doubt if the Oral Majority will leave Monica in peace. But though it's a load to handle, I'm sure that when things get hard, she'll be at her best; she seems just the type who meets challenges head on.

And finally, a crack to meet the seasonal cheerfulness demand: Why is Bill Clinton so interested in the Middle East? Because he thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar. A Happy New Year, folks!

How Readers responded to Varsha Bhosle's recent columns

Varsha Bhosle