A few days ago, a close friend was over and, hunting for hilarity in the wee hours of the morning, he suggested we go youtube some old videos from the Sajid Khan show. Sajid Khan and his bizarre takes on Bollywood hamming -- not to forget his alter ego pun-master Kishen Jhoothani -- make for tremendous viewing, and have great rewatchability. This should get you started.

Sajid's Superstars, premiering last Saturday night on Colors, promised a lot of scandal, but even more than that, on a show which features the funnyman anchoring next to a buddy like Riteish Deshmukh [Images] for a first guest, you expect that peculiarly twisted brand of humour and that geekish attention to Bollywood detail. You expect neither Karan Johar's [Images] catty yet consistently careful set of predictable barbs, or Simi Garewal's [Images] maudlin moodiness.

What you get, however, is far worse. You get a show that could have been a much-ignored Special Feature on the Heyy Baby DVD, and an hourful of amateurish conversation that really has no business being on television.

Sajid Khan's debut film might have been a blockbuster, but the complete claustrophobia that comes from listening to two people who made the film constantly showering themselves and their film with glowing adulation is just plain horrible. Sajid talks about Ritesh's best work, and then shows us a horrifying scene from Heyy Babyy that involves three grown men eventually touching a baby's feet after wailing like mad, after which Ritesh -- who spent a few minutes trying not to visibly squirm -- talks about how well Sajid directs it.

And this goes on and on, Ritesh calling the film the turning point of his career -- forgetting Masti entirely. Perhaps it would have helped if Heyy Baby wasn't a mediocre piece of overdone pap, but even if Khan would have made something as brilliant as Munna Bhai, there's no justifying this exchange: Ritesh talks about the Amitabh Bachchan [Images] role in Amar Akbar Anthony, Sajid calls it a great role, Ritesh calls Amar Akbar Anthony a great film, and Sajid says, 'So is Heyy Baby.'

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What. The. Hell?

Somebody save us.

All we get is Deshmukh thankfully being casual, but bombarded by a bunch of questions about his own films and lines from films that he's just quoted, and Khan seems to have completely lost his edge, poor chap. What passes for comedy now is Sajid calling a glass of water battery-water, Ritesh saying he needs to drink it because his internal battery needs a recharge, and then both of them lapsing into a Kader Khan impression. If that even sounds remotely like fanboy slacker-movie fun, it's not.

Oh, and the scandal. The whole peg of the show is that Khan will force superstars into major confessions. Yeah, right. Khan asks him a question, he gets upset and storms off, and then we're told that's all an act. Ha ha indeed.

The only thing promising about the next episode -- featuring Anil Kapoor [Images] -- is that Khan will conceivably not be able to bond over Heyy Baby with him. Then again, Kapoor might be forced to comment, at length, on how lovely he thought the film was. I'd advise him to say it rocked, because otherwise we might get to see Sajid bombarding him with scene after scene and telling him why it's all as great as Amar Akbar Anthony.

It's boring, smug and makes for horrible television. Go watch Koffee and take some non-snarky notes, Sajid, you need help.

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