May 2^nd, 2003

Dear Diary,

I have just returned from the office after a long and exhausting day. I had to sit through several senseless marketing meetings and one sales forecasting workshop. Honestly, I am getting a little sick of this company. I would have quit it long ago if it were not for the fact that the salary is good, the canteen is awesome and I know the combination to the petty cash safe.

Mr Ramanathan next door made Rs 100,000 rupees on the stock market yesterday. He bought his wife a new saree and a new fridge. My wife seems to know. She has not spoken to me all evening.

August 21^st, 2003

Dear Diary,

Ramanathan just bought a new car. Apparently he had invested in Infosys [Get Quote]. The wife is now spending all day in Ramanathan's house. This is bothering me. The least she can do is tell Mrs Ramanathan (Miss Versova 1978) to spend equal time in our house.

Maybe I will also do some stock market. Or something.

March 3^rd, 2004

Dear Diary,

I made Rs 600 profit in one day itself! And I don't even know what I did! I sold some shares of Reliance [Get Quote]. Or maybe I bought it. I have no idea. But I made 600 rupees! Yahoo! I am taking out the family for a movie tonight.

p.s. Saw Mr Ramanathan standing outside the Oberoi while driving back home. The wife was not impressed. I need to beat that man. I will put another Rs 10,000 in the market tomorrow. I will buy something. Or maybe sell it. I don't know. I will do something. Reliance maybe.

December 21^st, 2004

Dear Diary,

I have not traded in six months. I have no idea what I am doing. So far I have made an overall profit of three rupees in the market. Also I have a few Reliance shares which I bought in July.

Should I trade? I don't know. I know nothing about the market.

Ramanathan bought a new car. Accord. Bastard.

June 21^st, 2005

DEAR DIARY!!!

I love the Ambanis! I love you! I love the Market! I made Rs 100,000 in profit today! I am rich! Now I will show my wife what I can do. I will go online and buy her a surprise gift. Maybe a cool new ipod. Or even a cellphone!

Woohoo! I am going to trade all day. Tomorrow I am also going to get cable at home with CNBC! Everyone who does stocks watches CNBC!

p.s. I was almost going to buy an ipod when suddenly I decided to buy 1000 Cipla. Wife has not been informed.

August 20^th, 2005

Dear Diary,

There was a big problem in the office today. The complete petty cash vanished without a trace. Nobody knows what happened. (Hee hee.) We immediately had an inquiry team setup. I will be leading the team.

Bought 1000 Cipla. And a little bit of Reliance. My new Demat account is working awesome on my new computer and broadband connection at home.

September 8^th, 2005

Dear Diary,

The Sensex crossed 8000! The market is booming! Everyone on CNBC is talking about the India story! Growth of more than 8% in GDP! What an awesome time to be in India.

p.s. I lost Rs 300,000 today. Petty cash might get stolen again next month.

January 1^st, 2006

Dear Diary,

Today I made the smartest investment move ever. I withdrew full amount on my credit card and put it into my Demat account. I have a feeling that the market is going to boom today! I will pay my credit card bill in one or two days at the latest.

I saw CNBC all day today and read Economic Times cover to cover.

March 3^rd, 2006

Dear Diary,

The people from the credit card company met me today. We had a conversation involving my mother. I am very upset. I will never again invest in "Uday Shankar Transport and Software Company Pvt. Ltd."

IT is supposed to be booming, no?

I may have some problems with finances. But thankfully I have been doing a lot of overtime in the office and should be able to sell all the equipment from the Server Room next week.

March 11^th, 2006

Dear Diary,

Our company is being closed for police investigations. Someone stole everything from the server room.

I will be paying off my credit card bill today.

p.s. I was being such an idiot. Why would I want to waste that cash on bills when Udayan Mukherjee said that the market is buoyant and that positive signals are coming from western markets on the back of good numbers in the US markets? I can easily pay off the bills next week.

March 14^th, 2006

Dear Diary,

No power today. I used the BEST bill money to buy Reliance. The wife is upset. She does not understand that the positive signals from the US housing market means that the Sensex is going to boom soon.

March 15^th, 2006

Dear Diary,

Telephone got cut today. Wife has gone to native place with the children. I was very upset before I realised that I can use the savings from groceries, food and fees to buy into three new IPOs.

p.s. Warren Buffet wallpaper on desktop for inspiration.

May 22, 2006,

Dear Diary,

Market crashed 1100 points. Oh shit.

On the bright side I have discovered how much more efficient it is to buy fruits and vegetables every day instead of depending on the fridge. I don't think I need that any more.

June 2, 2006,

Dear Diary,

Wife and children came back today. And left immediately when they realised that I had sacrificed, in my fervour for participation in the capital markets, our furniture and kitchen appliances. She has moved to Mr Ramanathan's place.

I think I will stay off the market for a while till things improve.

p.s. L&T is rocking. Sigh.

September 26^th, 2007

Dear Diary,

Mr Ambani is worth 50 billion rupees. I know that if I got one more chance at the markets I would make a few millions myself.

Wife and children are back home. Things are going fine.

Maybe if I buy just a little ICICI [Get Quote]. Just a little. Promise.

November 11^th, 2007

Dear Diary,

I've been thinking a lot of how much my wife loves me these last few days. Does she even remember the romance we used to share? The evenings we spent holding hands in that cafe? That diamond ring I gave her at our engagement?

I hope not.

January 21^st, 2008

Dear Diary,

Sub-prime something. Oh shit.

Earlier columns:

• No Indians, please!
• It was the summer of 2004
• The politics of Photoshop
• Sidin's guide to political correctness and cultural sensitivity
• Dot Con Experiences
• Phishing for compliments
• The future is looking bleak
• Untitled No. 34
• Shut your face! -- A study in participatory journalism
• Reality cheque!
• Are you bugged with SMS polls? Vote now!
• Fasten your seatbelts, your flight is cancelled
• The Incident of the Columnist at a Disco

More adventures of the Vadukuts, mister and missus, can be found at Domain Maximus.