Have you seen what passes through Human Resources departments across the country? English errors of such magnitude that, as a worker, you don't know whether to laugh or cry.

That's the situation that faces Anand S., an HR worker for a multi-national in Bangalore.

Instead of frustration, Anand deals with these mistakes by documenting them. Here's his list of the funniest gaffes:

Wrong: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one week leave.
Correct: My wife and I have to go to our village to sell our land. Please sanction me one week of leave.

Wrong: My cremation ceremony is at 10:00 am, please grant me half-day leave.
Correct: I'm attending a cremation ceremony at 10:00 am; please grant me half-day of leave.

Wrong: As I am working in this office I suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today only.
Correct: I am suffering from a headache. I request leave for today. 

Wrong: I only am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday.
Correct: I am suffering from fever. Please grant me leave for today.

Wrong: As my headache is paining, please give my leave today.
Correct: As I have a painful headache, please grant me leave today. 

Wrong: I am enclosed herewith...
Correct: I have enclosed herewith...

Wrong: Dear Sir, with reference to the above, please refer to my below reference.
Correct: Dear sir, in reference to the above, please see my observation below. 

Wrong: As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me ten days leave.
Correct: My mother-in-law has expired and I am required to make arrangements for mourning. I request ten days of leave.

Wrong: My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave
Correct: My wife is ill and no one is home to assist her. May I be granted a short leave?

Wrong: I am in well here, thank you, and hope you are also in the same well.
Correct: I am well, thank you. I hope you are the same.

Wrong: As I am marrying my daughter, please grant weak leave.
Correct: My daughter is to be married. I request one week's leave.

Wrong: I want to shave my son head, kindly please leave me for two days.
Correct: As we are to celebrate my son's mundan, I request leave for two days. 

Wrong: This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or Female'. As I am both and have been for the past several years I am applying for the post.
Correct: In reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an accountant', I would like to submit my application. I have served as both a typist and an accountant in the past. 

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We thank our readers for the witty emails detailing common English bloopers they've come across! Keep them coming in, and we'll keep publishing them. Three times a week, we'll provide articles featuring your responses.

If you'd like to share common bloopers you come across when people speak/ write in English, do mail your list of common bloopers, along with their correct alternatives to englishbloopers@rediffmail.com -- we'll highlight them right here as a helpful guide to those trying to improve their English. Also make sure you include your FULL NAME, AGE, OCCUPATION and the CITY you are based in.